I'm starting to realize that being a single lady is hard. We are constantly fighting this internal battle between always wanting to look our best in case we meet "the one" and becoming self sufficient enough to not need "the one". I've found some amazing inventions that will end this battle by helping us do a little bit of both!
First of all, let's talk about footwear...
When wanting to put your best foot forward, rain can often ruin your efforts. Not anymore because of these stylish shoe umbrellas! No single lady wants to meet her soulmate or man of the moment in muddy rain soaked shoes. And the shoe umbrella screams that you are a smart, sensible, desirable woman.
But sometimes the single lady wants to take a fun beach vacation without it being ruined by undesirables hitting on you every time you turn around. This will tell your mullet coifed, Brute cologne wearing wannabe suitor that you're really not interested without you having to be rude.
And for the woman who needs no man, how about a pair of slippers that double as a vicious, terror causing bug killer? No need to scream for your non existent knight in shining tin foil to save you when you have ninja like fly swatters on your feet! As you're whipping these through the air to kill a dangerous bug, you'll hear the scream of "girl power" over your own terrified shreaks.
Now we move on to makeup...
I have never been good at applying lipstick. Ever... I admire those of you who can wear it and are able to look like a fun girl out for a night on the town instead of looking like a lady of the night (that means prostitute and I don't mean the Pretty Woman kind).
When I try to wear lipstick, I end up looking a little something like this:
But, the Chinese have invented two things that will make this no longer a problem!
You can "pucker lips in a hurry" with this brilliant lip stamp. I suggest keeping this in your purse so that you can freshen your perfect lips while on a night out after you use this before leaving home...
Because every woman has the exact same lip shape, this lip template is genius. No more smeared lips for us single gals! Thank you China!
A single lady might take some time to find herself before deciding to get back out in the world. During your sabbatical from the dating world, you might want something that helps buy you privacy...
Nothing says "go away, I'm introverting" quite like whatever the hell this is. And for those of you with office jobs...
This should do the trick.
While you're busy finding yourself, things may start to look a little unkempt...
Then you get invited on a fun girls night out and realize that, while finding yourself, you've turned into chewbacca. When this happens, I suggest you go back to the magical time of the 1980's and purchase your future self one of these:
It'll hurt like a bitch but it will get the job done. You might want to pair it with one of these next inventions.
Some people say that diamonds are a girls best friend and to those people I say you must not be a single lady!
Wine glasses with built in straws.. Need I say more? Put on your most unsexiest pajamas, some fuzzy fly swatter slippers, turn on a chick flick worth crying to and suck on that built in straw like your life depends on it!
There will be nights when you're going out and you won't know if the establishment you're going to will serve your brand of wine and you're going to need something to ensure you have an enjoyable time. That's where this gem comes in to play.
Is it a wine carrier or a stylish purse? Nobody will know the truth but you.. At least until you're skipping the glass and drinking it straight out of your purse tap but, by then, who's going to give a shit? Certainly not you!
The truth is, being single can be as hard as it is fun. Some days you'll cry to the point of being dangerously close to dehydration.
And you'll consider buying one of these hats (again, thank you China!).
But it can also be empowering and you'll wonder why you never owned a pair of these...
Because no strong woman needs a man to shovel her car out of the snow when she's wearing sensible snow shovel pumps!
It can be lonely and you'll get sad about only needing one wine glass.
But with this glass, one is all you'll ever need.
It doesn't matter how you get through it. Maybe you'll meet the elusive "one" that will make your life complete.
In that case, you might want to get something like this:
You need to know how well he handles disappointment before deciding if he's the one and making him think you have incredible boobs all evening and then taking them off at the end of the night should do the trick.
Or maybe, just maybe, you'll learn that you're ok with being single, especially when you have this:
Nothing is better than snuggling up to The Boyfriend Pillow after a rough day when your lipstick is a mess and you're half drunk from drinking out of your purse and you really don't need to listen to anyone's lip.
No matter how you do it, remember you're a strong, single woman who can take on a hell of a lot more than loneliness. The key is to surround yourself with great friends, decent wine, laugh as much as possible, and don't settle for anything less than you truly deserve. No woman should have to look back on their lives and say "I got by with great shoes, good wine, and a partner who was good enough."
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