Things I Learned While in the Clink

Obviously, I wasn't really in the "clink". It was much worse. I won myself a weeks stay in the hospital which, I'm sure most prisoners would agree, is exactly like jail at least a little bit.

I spent five days confined to a private room (thank the Lort for the private room!!), forced to stay in bed because of a bum leg from a flare up, with only cable television and the crazy, demented old lady in the room next door to keep me company. 

The old lady was entertaining and we kept the same sleep hours which was never, and I learned a lot about religion from her singing perverted bible hymns all night long. "The Old Rugged Crotch" was a personal favorite. 

Other things I've learned from my stay:

These commercials are the DEVIL!!

Cable television plays these commercials A lot. Like eleventy trillion times an hour. I didn't know whether to jump out of my ninth floor window or adopt all of the animals ever. And when you have nothing to do but lay in bed, your brain starts to rationalize the quality of life four thousand pets could bring and how being covered in animal hair might be a good thing in the winter.

I found out that I am in love with Pitch Perfect. It was on almost every night during my stay and I watched it and bed danced every time. Between the old lady, lack of sleep, and the spca commercials, this movie might have saved me. I'm not kidding.

This is a hard one for me but I also found out that I am no longer a Twilght fan. I never thought this day would come but, while trying to watch twilight without being able to get up, I realized how terrible the acting really is. I wanted to tear my eyes out and throw them at Kristin Stewart.

Such bad acting...

I was also reminded of things I already knew. 

I am a terrible patient, stubborn as an ox, and the funniest person I know. I cracked myself up at the expense of every person who had the misfortune of walking into my room. I even had an orderly who said I looked familiar believing that I used to do porn. Score!

Either way, I'm busted out of the clink, on the mend, and so grateful for both.